How Can I Clean the Animals Mounted on my Walls?

 

He doesn't like to be dusted!

He doesn't like to be dusted!

 

There are 2 answers for this question.  First: How important is it to still be married when you finish this cleaning process?

A Difference of Opinion

Therein lies your problem — husbands have a different perspective on “mounted deer cleaning.”  My idea of cleaning is: Get all the dust-bunnies to take-a-hike and tear down the lovely spider webs spread between the antlers.

My husband’s view of this “deer cleaning” is: “Make this buck look like the day I brought it home from the taxidermist’s. His eyes should shine brightly — without any spider webs looped between his eyelashes.

When I look at him, I want to be able to relive the exciting first few seconds — when I zeroed in on this deer!”

My Reaction

I understand that it is impossible to yawn and roll both eyes at the same time.  So, I don’t try.  However, I do let my eyes glaze over.

How can this man turn cleaning (a dead deer, pinned to a wall)  into an emotional activity? Does he let my birthday become an emotional activity? Not on your life!

A Cleaned Deer Must be ‘A Guy Thing!’

In graduate school, we didn’t study this phenomena in either Advanced Sociology or Abnormal Psychology.

When I can’t find evidence in either of these texts, I chalk it up to — “It’s a Guy Thing!”  It’s safer that way!

Solution #1

If you have all your insurance paid up, you might try vacuuming the floor & running up the wall and catching that dirty deer napping.  Zip around his antlers carefully & try not to bunch up his fur.

This solution isn’t for everybody – like folks that have no where to go when ordered out of the house!  The next solution is strictly for the “sissy-set.”

Solution #2

Use a  feather duster to get the webs to loosen their grip on the antlers.  A soft, round makeup brush is great for dusting the eyelashes, whiskers and the base of the antlers.

If I have all day,   ;)   I use the same brush to stroke the fur (downward only), pausing often to clean the brush in a damp cloth. (This is a GREAT technique to use while your husband is watching. He will be SO impressed!)

If I don’t have all day, I use a can of compressed air. Spraying with the hair (not against the hair growth), it is a fairly quick operation.

Two Warnings

1) I don’t “do eyes.”  I know they are only glass marbles, but I don’t touch them. Others, much braver than myself, spray windex on a Q-tip and gently clean them.

2) Our mule deer really likes it when I take the makeup brush to his inner ears. However, once you start this, he will nag you constantly for another ear cleaning.

Finally

After a few years of mounted whitetail deer/mule deer/squirrel/mongoose cleaning,  be careful, they start to talk to you …. Maybe that should be the 3rd warning!

~

This blog is a companion to my website:  GreatGhilliesAndGraphics.com

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Published in: on January 24, 2009 at 4:42 pm  Comments Off  
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