Today’s Joke: Hunting for the Right Person for the Right Job

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Put about 100 bricks in some

Particular order in a closed

Room with an

Open window.

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Then send 2 or 3 candidates in

The room and close the door.

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Leave them alone and come back

After 6 hours and then analyze

The situation.

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If they are counting the

Bricks.

Put them in the accounts

Department.

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If they are recounting them..

Put them in auditing ..

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If they have messed up the

Whole place with the bricks.

Put them in engineering.

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If they are arranging the

Bricks in some strange order.

Put them in planning.

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If they are throwing the

Bricks at each other.

Put them in operations .

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If they are sleeping.

Put them in

security.

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If they have broken the bricks

Into pieces.

Put them in Information

Technology.

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If they are sitting idle.

Put them in human resources.

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If they say they have tried

Different combinations, yet

Not a brick has

Been moved. Put them in sales.

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If they have already left for

The day.

Put them in marketing.

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If they are staring out of the

Window.

Put them on strategic

Planning.

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And then last but not least.

If they are talking to each

Other and not a single brick

Has been

Moved.

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Congratulate them and put them

In top management

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A Personal Note: Marylouise is recovering nicely; however her doctor explained that it was a serious surgery.  Thus, it may take awhile to recover use of the shoulder.

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This blog is a companion to my website: EasyOnlineOrdering.com

Today’s Humor: Marriage Tips from Children

Marriage Thru Children's Eyes -- a Real HOOT!

“From the mouths of babe’s” come these enlightened ideas ……

1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

-You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. — Alan, age 10

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-No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with. — Kristen, age 10

2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. — Camille, age 10

3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF 2 PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. — Derrick, age 8

4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don’t want any more kids. — Lori, age 8

5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

-Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. — Lynnette, age 8 (isn’t she a treasure)

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-On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. — Martin, age 10

6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

-When they’re rich. — Pam, age 7

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-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that. – - Curt, age 7

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-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do. – - Howard, age 8

7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. — Anita, age 9 (bless you child )

8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there? — Kelvin, age 8

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And the #1 Favorite is ………

9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck . — Ricky , age 10

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This blog is a companion to my website: EasyOnlineOrdering.com

Today’s Humor: A Priceless Message

Thought You Would Enjoy This!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7C5Rnb7J3sU

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“Actual Message on School Answering Machine in Australia

This is the message that the Maroochydore High School, Queensland, Australia, staff voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine. This is the actual answering machine message for the school.

This response came about because the staff implemented  a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children’s absences and missed homework.

The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children’s failing grades changed to passing grades – even though those children were absent 15 to 30 times during the semester and did not complete enough school work to pass their classes.”

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I received  this as an “actual message” but found out that it is not!

 

The real story behind it is here:

http://www.snopes.com/humor/iftrue/palisades.asp

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This blog is a companion to my website: EasyOnlineOrdering.com

Subject: Swine Flu Advice

Although we are not hearing ‘pandemic’ in the news yet, folks are concerned. Thus, the CDC and Health  Depts. across the nation are trying  to help folks decide if they have the dreaded  ’swine flu.‘

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This is the Very LATEST FROM THE HEALTH DEPARTMENT!

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Swine Flu Symptoms

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If you wake up looking like this,

don’t go to work!

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This blog is a companion to my website: EasyOnlineOrdering.com

Thanks again to Dorothy139!

Today’s Joke: Bird Flu vs. Swine Flu

What is the difference between Bird-Flu and Swine-Flu?

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For bird flu you need Tweetment

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And for swine flu you need Oinkment.

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That’s all folks.……………………………

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As always, “Thanks” to Dorothy139

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This blog is a companion to my website: EasyOnlineOrdering.com

More Cute Photos!

This Tabby is Obviously Up to Something!

This Husky Has been Given some Happy-Gas!

Eye-to-Eye & Nose-to-Nose Contact

I Don't Think this was the 'Babe' Our Dog Was Hoping For!

This is Definitely a Grinning Cat!

He Obviously Knows Something I Don't Know!

It is a little early for Halloween!

This Guy Has Seen some Rough Action!

Day 3 of Jokes: the Couple from Hell!

Some Place Expensive!

Today is the final day that we look in on the “couple from hell!”

Enjoy!

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive…

So, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started…

~~~~~

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds.’

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started…

~~~~~

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’

I said, ‘Dust.’

And then the fight started…

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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt.’

So I opened my shirt, revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me.’  And she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office.

She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.’

And then the fight started…

~~~~~

Let’s talk about fishing tomorrow!

This blog is a companion to my website: EasyOnlineOrdering.com

More Jokes — Four for the Fifth (of July)

Here's to a Guy who Doesn't Understand Women!

Well, the holiday is almost over!  My friend, Dorothy139, sent some jokes. Because they are so long, I’ve divided them into 3 parts.  This is Part 2.

Today’s Jokes

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And then the fight started….

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A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, ‘I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.  I really need you to pay me a compliment.’

The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’

And then the fight started……

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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first.

“I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.”

He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”"

Nah, she can order for herself.”

And then the fight started…

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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and
I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
nearby table.

My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’

‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking           right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t
been sober since.’

‘My God!’ said my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating         that long?’

And then the fight started…

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This blog is a companion to my website: EasyOnlineOrdering.com

Some Jokes for the Fourth, Fifth and Sixth!

Hope you are enjoying the holiday as much as I am!  My friend, Dorothy139, sent some jokes.  Because they are so long, I’ll divide them into 3 parts. Enjoy!

Today’s Jokes

Anniversary Gift!

I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

“Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said.

So I suggested, “How about the kitchen?”

And that’s when the fight started…..

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My wife and I were watching ‘Who Wants To Be A Millionaire’ while we
were in bed.

I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?” “No,” she answered.

I then said, “Is that your final answer?”

She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying “Yes.”

So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend..” 

And that’s when the fight started….

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Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch,
grabbed the  dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.

I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into
A torrential downpour.

The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage,
turned on the  radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into
bed.

I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation,
and whispered, ‘The weather out there is terrible.’

My loving wife of 10 years replied, ‘Can you believe my stupid
husband is out fishing in that?’

And then the fight started …

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A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.  Suddenly, at 3 o’clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.

The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man
‘Holy Shit. That must be my husband!’

So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked – jumped out the
window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, ‘I AM your husband!’

The woman yelled back, ‘Yeah, then why were you running?’

And then the fight started……

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Keep smilin’ & More Tomorrow!

This blog is a companion to my website: EasyOnlineOrdering.com

Today’s Humor: Moms Are VERY Smart!

Watch out for Mom!

Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal,
Brian’s mother couldn’t help but notice how beautiful Brian’s roommate,
Jennifer, was.

Brian’s Mom had long been suspicious of the platonic relationship between Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she
started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than met the eye.

Reading his mom’s thoughts, Brian volunteered, ‘I know what you must be
thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates.’

About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, ‘Ever since your
mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy
ladle. You don’t suppose she took it, do you?’

Brian said, ‘Well, I doubt it, but I’ll send her an e-mail just to be
sure. So he sat down and wrote:

__________________________________________________________

Dear Mom,

I’m not saying that you ‘did’ take the gravy ladle from the house, I’m not
saying that you ‘did not’ take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that
one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love, Brian

__________________________________________________________

Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that
read:

____________________________________________________

Dear Son,

I’m not saying that you ‘do’ sleep with Jennifer, I’m not saying that you
‘do not’ sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if Jennifer is
sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

Love, Mom

LESSON OF THE DAY – NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER

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Thanks again to Dorothy139!

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This blog is a companion to my website: www.EasyOnlineOrdering.com