EVER WONDER WHAT
SANTA
LOOKS LIKE IN
THE
SUMMERTIME ???
.
SCROLL DOWN
.
.
.
Sorta takes the joy out of Christmas, doesn’t it?
~~~
As always, “Thank You” to Dorothy!
~~~
This blog is a companion to my website: EasyOnlineOrdering.com
Today’s Humor: HOG HUNTING IN HOUMA , LOUISIANA
This is what I call a ‘retriever’
Training the “gator” is somewhat difficult….
As I’m still having a little trouble with getting him to bring the pig to me.
~
‘Thanks’ to MDH* for this gag!
~~
MDH = My Deer Husband (Better known as: He who likes to be obeyed — but rarely is!)
~~~
This blog is a companion to my website: EasyOnlineOrdering.com
Today’s Joke: Hunting for the Right Person for the Right Job
~
Put about 100 bricks in some
Particular order in a closed
Room with an
Open window.
>
>
Then send 2 or 3 candidates in
The room and close the door.
>
>
>
>
>
Leave them alone and come back
After 6 hours and then analyze
The situation.
>
>
>
>
>
If they are counting the
Bricks.
Put them in the accounts
Department.
>
>
~~~
If they are recounting them..
Put them in auditing ..
>
>
~~~
If they have messed up the
Whole place with the bricks.
Put them in engineering.
>
>
~~~
If they are arranging the
Bricks in some strange order.
Put them in planning.
>
>
~~~
If they are throwing the
Bricks at each other.
Put them in operations .
>
>
~~~
If they are sleeping.
Put them in
security.
>
>
~~~
If they have broken the bricks
Into pieces.
Put them in Information
Technology.
>
>
~~~
If they are sitting idle.
Put them in human resources.
>
>
~~~
If they say they have tried
Different combinations, yet
Not a brick has
Been moved. Put them in sales.
>
>
~~~
If they have already left for
The day.
Put them in marketing.
>
>
~~~
If they are staring out of the
Window.
Put them on strategic
Planning.
>
> 
~~~
And then last but not least.
If they are talking to each
Other and not a single brick
Has been
Moved.
>
>
>
Congratulate them and put them
In top management
~~~
A Personal Note: Marylouise is recovering nicely; however her doctor explained that it was a serious surgery. Thus, it may take awhile to recover use of the shoulder.
~~~
This blog is a companion to my website: EasyOnlineOrdering.com
Subject: Swine Flu Advice
Although we are not hearing ‘pandemic’ in the news yet, folks are concerned. Thus, the CDC and Health Depts. across the nation are trying to help folks decide if they have the dreaded ’swine flu.‘
~~~
This is the Very LATEST FROM THE HEALTH DEPARTMENT!
~~~
Swine Flu Symptoms
~~~~
If you wake up looking like this,
don’t go to work!
~~~
This blog is a companion to my website: EasyOnlineOrdering.com
Thanks again to Dorothy139!
Today’s Joke: Bird Flu vs. Swine Flu
What is the difference between Bird-Flu and Swine-Flu?
~~~~~
For bird flu you need Tweetment
~~~~~
~~~~~
And for swine flu you need Oinkment.
~~~~~
That’s all folks.……………………………
~~~~~
As always, “Thanks” to Dorothy139
~~~
This blog is a companion to my website: EasyOnlineOrdering.com
Day 3 of Jokes: the Couple from Hell!
Some Place Expensive!
Today is the final day that we look in on the “couple from hell!”
Enjoy!
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive…
So, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started…
~~~~~
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds.’
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started…
~~~~~
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’
I said, ‘Dust.’
And then the fight started…
~~~~~
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt.’
So I opened my shirt, revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me.’ And she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office.
She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.’
And then the fight started…
~~~~~
Let’s talk about fishing tomorrow!
This blog is a companion to my website: EasyOnlineOrdering.com
More Jokes — Four for the Fifth (of July)
Here's to a Guy who Doesn't Understand Women!
Well, the holiday is almost over! My friend, Dorothy139, sent some jokes. Because they are so long, I’ve divided them into 3 parts. This is Part 2.
Today’s Jokes
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And then the fight started….
~~~~~
A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, ‘I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’
The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’
And then the fight started……
~~~~~
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first.
“I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.”
He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”"
Nah, she can order for herself.”
And then the fight started…
~~~~~
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and
I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
nearby table.
My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’
‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t
been sober since.’
‘My God!’ said my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’
And then the fight started…
~~~~~
This blog is a companion to my website: EasyOnlineOrdering.com
Some Jokes for the Fourth, Fifth and Sixth!
Hope you are enjoying the holiday as much as I am! My friend, Dorothy139, sent some jokes. Because they are so long, I’ll divide them into 3 parts. Enjoy!
Today’s Jokes
Anniversary Gift!
I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
“Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said.
So I suggested, “How about the kitchen?”
And that’s when the fight started…..
~~~~~
My wife and I were watching ‘Who Wants To Be A Millionaire’ while we
were in bed.
I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?” “No,” she answered.
I then said, “Is that your final answer?”
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying “Yes.”
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend..”
And that’s when the fight started….
~~~~~
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch,
grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into
A torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage,
turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into
bed.
I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation,
and whispered, ‘The weather out there is terrible.’
My loving wife of 10 years replied, ‘Can you believe my stupid
husband is out fishing in that?’
And then the fight started …
~~~~~
A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o’clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man
‘Holy Shit. That must be my husband!’
So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked – jumped out the
window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.
A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, ‘I AM your husband!’
The woman yelled back, ‘Yeah, then why were you running?’
And then the fight started……
~~~~~
Keep smilin’ & More Tomorrow!
This blog is a companion to my website: EasyOnlineOrdering.com
Today’s Humor: Moms Are VERY Smart!
Watch out for Mom!
Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal,
Brian’s mother couldn’t help but notice how beautiful Brian’s roommate,
Jennifer, was.
Brian’s Mom had long been suspicious of the platonic relationship between Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she
started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than met the eye.
Reading his mom’s thoughts, Brian volunteered, ‘I know what you must be
thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates.’
About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, ‘Ever since your
mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy
ladle. You don’t suppose she took it, do you?’
Brian said, ‘Well, I doubt it, but I’ll send her an e-mail just to be
sure. So he sat down and wrote:
__________________________________________________________
Dear Mom,
I’m not saying that you ‘did’ take the gravy ladle from the house, I’m not
saying that you ‘did not’ take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that
one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Brian
__________________________________________________________
Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that
read:
____________________________________________________
Dear Son,
I’m not saying that you ‘do’ sleep with Jennifer, I’m not saying that you
‘do not’ sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if Jennifer is
sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.
Love, Mom
LESSON OF THE DAY – NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER
~~~~~
Thanks again to Dorothy139!
~~~
This blog is a companion to my website: www.EasyOnlineOrdering.com
Today’s Joke: Yoga from India vs. Yoga from Texas
***
THERE ARE TWO BASIC TYPES OF YOGA
***
1. YOGA FROM INDIA
~~~~~
! = This version of the posture requires considerable strength in the neck, shoulders and back, requiring years of practice to achieve. It should not be attempted without supervision.
***
AND
~~~~~
~~~~~
Wait for it
~~~~~
~~~~~
~~~~~
2. YOGA FROM TEXAS
The Texas class is full for this session. I’ll get back to you when it opens up again!
