Saturday Humor: The Real Truth of Men vs. Women and a Blond Joke

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This was Probably Created by a Woman Engineer!

Examples of Simple vs Complex Machinery!

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This Next Joke Sort of Unravels the Brilliance of the Previous Machinery! 

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The Blond and the Truck Driver 

A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut off a large truck. The driver was outraged and was eventually able to make her pull over.

He got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to the blonde in his most threatening voice, “Stand in that circle and DON’T MOVE!”

He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats. When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, “Oh you think that’s funny? Watch this!”

He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car. When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face. Now he’s getting really mad.

He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires. Now she’s laughing. The truck driver is really starting to lose it.

He goes back to his truck and gets an extra can of diesel fuel, pours it on her car and sets it on fire. He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down.

“What’s so funny?” the truck driver asked the blonde. She replied, “Every time you weren’t looking, I stepped outside the circle!”

— This joke, and many others, are at Wasted Your Time

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Come Back Sunday:  See a Variety of Army Rear Window Graphics!

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Upcoming Attractions:

When Humans Try to Domesticate the Javelina

Plus

Hunting Javelina and Wild Hogs

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I have several other projects in the works – fishing & hunting 

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This blog is a companion to my website:  GreatGhilliesAndGraphics.com

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Published in: on May 28, 2011 at 12:05 am  Comments Off on Saturday Humor: The Real Truth of Men vs. Women and a Blond Joke  
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Today’s Joke: Liberals vs. Texans

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Texas has compiled a Liberal to Texan Translation Directory. This should be helpful for you Californians … and other liberals,  and offer a chuckle for all.

(You need not agree!)

CALIFORNIA                                                      TEXAS

  • Arsenal of Weapons . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gun Collection
  • Delicate Wetlands . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Swamp
  • Undocumented Worker . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Illegal Alien
  • Cruelty-Free Materials . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  Synthetic Fibers

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  • Assault-and-Battery . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Attitude Adjustment
  • Heavily Armed . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Well-protected
  • Narrow Minded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Righteous
  • Taxes or Your Fair Share  . . . . . . . . . . . . Coerced Theft

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  • Common sense Gun Control . . . . . . . . . . Gun Confiscation Plot
  • Illegal Hazardous Explosives . . . . . . . . . Fireworks or Stump Removal
  • Non-viable Tissue Mass . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Unborn baby
  • Equal Access to Opportunity. . . . . . . . . .Socialism

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  • Multicultural Community . . . . . . . . . . . .High Crime Area
  • Fairness or Social Progress . . . . . . . . . . .Marxism
  • Upper Class or “The Rich” . . . . . . . . . . . . Self-Employed
  • Progressive, Change . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  Big Government Scheme

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  • Homeless or Disadvantaged . . . . . . . . . . Bums or Welfare Leeches
  • Sniper Rifle . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Scoped Deer Rifle
  • Investment for the Future . . . . . . . . . . . Higher Taxes
  • Healthcare Reform . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Socialized Medicine

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  • Extremist, Judgmental or Hater . . . . . . .Conservative
  • Truants . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Home schoolers
  • Victim or Oppressed . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Criminal or Lazy Good for Nothings
  • High Capacity Magazine . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Standard Capacity Magazine

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  • Religious Zealot . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Church-going
  • Reintroduced Wolves . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Sheep & Elk Killers
  • Free Trade Coffee . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Overpriced Yuppie Coffee
  • “Exploiters” or “The Rich” . . . . . . . . . . . . . Employed or Land Owners

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  • The Gun Lobby . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . NRA Members
  • Assault Weapon . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Semi-Auto (Grandpa’s M-1 Carbine)
  • Fiscal Stimulus . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .New Taxes and Higher Taxes
  • Mandated Eco-Friendly Lighting . . . . . . Chinese Mercury-Laden Light Bulbs

Hope you enjoyed this poke at our understanding of the English Language!

Next Time:  We’ll get serious!

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This blog is a companion to my website:  GreatGhilliesAndGraphics.com

Published in: on May 3, 2011 at 10:32 pm  Comments Off on Today’s Joke: Liberals vs. Texans  
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Today’s Humor: Terminology for the Medically-Challenged!

Medical Terminology for the Layman

All the words you have wondered about — in one place!  *

Medical Terms at Your Fingertips!

Antibody: against everyone

Artery: the study of fine paintings

Anally: occurring every year

Bacteria: back door to a cafeteria

Bandages: The Rolling Stones

Barium: what you do when CPR fails

Benign: what you be after you be eight

Cardiology: advanced study of poker playing

Cat Scan: searching for one’s lost kitty

Colic: a sheep dog

Coma: a punctuation mark

Congenital: friendly

D & C: where Washington is

Dilate: to live longer

Enema: not a friend

Enteritis: a penchant for burglary

ER: the things on your head that you hear with

* By the time you have these memorized, I’ll post a few more!

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Tomorrow: Going Camping!

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This blog is a companion to my website:  GreatGhilliesAndGraphics.com

Published in: on January 31, 2011 at 8:19 am  Comments Off on Today’s Humor: Terminology for the Medically-Challenged!  
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Today’s Joke: Talking About Walking

The Importance of Walking

Walking can add minutes to your life.

This enables you at 85 years old

To spend an additional 5 months

in a nursing Home at $7000 per month.

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My grandpa started walking

Five miles a day when he was 60.

Now he’s 97 years old

And we don’t know where he is.

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I like long walks,

Especially when they are taken

By people who annoy me.

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The only reason I would take up walking

Is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

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I have to walk early in the morning,

Before my brain figures out what I’m doing.

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I joined a health club last year,

Spent about 400 bucks.

Haven’t lost a pound.

Apparently you have to go there.

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Every time I hear the dirty word ‘exercise’,

I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

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The advantage of exercising every day

Is so when you die, they’ll say,

‘Well, she looks good doesn’t she.’

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If you are going to try cross-country skiing,

Start with a small country.

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I know I got a lot of exercise

The last few years,……

Just getting over the hill.

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We all get heavier as we get older,

Because there’s a lot more information in our heads.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

~

AND

Every time I start thinking too much

About how I look, I just find a Happy Hour

And by the time I leave, I look just fine.

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Cheers!

You could run this over to your friends

But just e-mail it to them

If you don’t forward

This to 1 of your friends within

The next 5 minutes your belly

Button will unscrew and your

Backside will fall off.

Really…. It’s true

~^~

This is a companion to my website: GreatGhilliesAndGraphics.com


Published in: on August 5, 2010 at 6:30 am  Comments Off on Today’s Joke: Talking About Walking  
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Day 3 of Jokes: ‘And Then the Fight Started!’

 

Some Place Expensive!

Some Place Expensive!

 

Today is the final day that we look in on the “couple from hell!”

Enjoy!

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive…

So, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started…

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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds.’

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started…

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My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’

I said, ‘Dust.’

And then the fight started…

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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt.’

So I opened my shirt, revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me.’  And she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office.

She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.’

And then the fight started…

~

Let’s talk about fishing tomorrow!

This blog is a companion to my website:  GreatGhilliesAndGraphics.com

Published in: on July 6, 2009 at 7:07 am  Comments Off on Day 3 of Jokes: ‘And Then the Fight Started!’  
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More Jokes — Four for the Fifth (of July)

 

A Toast to the Guy Who Doesn't Understand Women!

Here's to a Guy who Doesn't Understand Women!

 

Well, the holiday is almost over!  My friend, Dorothy139, sent some jokes. Because they are so long, I’ve divided them into 3 parts.  This is Part 2.

Today’s Jokes

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And then the fight started….

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A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, ‘I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.  I really need you to pay me a compliment.’

The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’

And then the fight started……

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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first.

“I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.”

He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?””

Nah, she can order for herself.”

And then the fight started…

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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and
I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
nearby table.

My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’

‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking    right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t
been sober since.’

‘My God!’ said my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’

And then the fight started…

~

This blog is a companion to my website:  GreatGhilliesAndGraphics.com

Published in: on July 5, 2009 at 11:27 pm  Comments Off on More Jokes — Four for the Fifth (of July)  
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It’s a Pun-Filled Friday!

Thought for the Day:

grenades

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It’s Friday – Let’s Pun a Little!

Did you know  …

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds!

That those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end!

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hear, she thought she’d dye!

A plateau is a high form of flattery!

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat!

A lot of money is tainted! It taint yours and it taint mine.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered!

A short fortuneteller who had escaped from prison was a small medium at large!

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis!

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion!

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Have a great weekend!

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This blog is a companion to my website:  GreatGhilliesAndGraphics.com

Published in: on April 17, 2009 at 6:23 pm  Comments (2)  
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Humor: How to Apply for a Job!

My Rezimay

Deer Sur,

I waunt to apply for the secritary job I seen in the
paper. I can type real kwik wit one finggar and do
sum Acounting 2.
I think I am good on the fone and I am a pepole
person. Pepole really seam to respond good to me.

Im lookin for a jobb as a secritary but it kant be 2
complikaited

My spelling is not 2 good but find that I awfin get a
job Bcuz of my persinalety..

My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want
to pay me and wat you think that I am wurth,

I can start imeditely. Thank you in advanse 4 yore
anser.

Hopifuly I M Yore best aplicant so phar.

Sinseerly,

Peggy May McBiggins

PS : I half includeded a
pickture of me B low.

 

Peggy May: Aplekant

Peggy May: Aplikant

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Dear Peggy May:

Start on Monday,
we have spell check.

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What would I do without Dorothy139? “Thanks again!”

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This blog is a companion to my website:  GreatGhilliesAndGraphics.com

Published in: on March 5, 2009 at 5:09 pm  Comments (2)  
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Words of Wisdom & A Bit of Humor

 

**Scroll to the bottom for the “PS” — it’s more info about borax for hunters’ clothes!

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There’s a rumor going around that even macho-types in ghillie suits and knives have a softer side! The following offers ‘words to live by’ in a humorous way. Enjoy !

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Always try to help a friend in need

 

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Believe in Yourself

Believe in Yourself

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Be Brave...But it's OK to be Afraid Sometimes

Be Brave...But it's OK to be Afraid Sometimes!

 

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Study Hard

Study Hard

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Give Lots of Kisses!

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noname5

Laugh Often!

 

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Don’t be Overly Concerned with Your Weight; It’s Just a Number!

(Go tell that to my doctor!)

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noname6b

Meet New People; Even if they Look Different to You!

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Remain Calm, Even When it Seems Hopeless!

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Take Lots of Naps...

Take Lots of Naps...

 

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Be Weird Whenever You Have the Chance!

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Love Your Friends, No Matter Who They Are!

Love Your Friends, No Matter Who They Are!

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Always Try to See the Glass Half Full!

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Don't Waste Food!

Don't Waste Food!

 

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RELAX!

RELAX!

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Take an Occasional Risk!

Take an Occasional Risk!

 

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Try to Have a Little Fun Each Day. ...It's Important!

Try to Have a Little Fun Each Day. ...It's Important!

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Work Together as a Team!

Work Together as a Team!

 

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Share a Joke with Friends!

Share a Joke with Friends!

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Fall in love with someone…

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...And Say 'I Love You' Often!

...And Say 'I Love You' Often!

 

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Express Yourself Creatively!

Express Yourself Creatively!

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Be Conscious of Your Appearance!

Be Conscious of Your Appearance!

 

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Always Be Up for Surprises!

Always Be Up for Surprises!

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Love Someone With All Your Heart!

Love Someone With All of Your Heart!

 

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Share With Friends!

Share With Friends!

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Watch Your Step!

Watch Your Step!

 

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It Will Get Better!

Things Will Get Better!

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There is Always Someone Who Loves You More Than You Know!

There is Always Someone Who Loves You More Than You Know!

 

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Exercise to Keep Fit!

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Live Up to Your Name!

 

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Seize the Moment!

Seize the Moment!

 

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Hold on to Good Friends; They are Few and Far Between!

Hold on to Good Friends; They are Few and Far Between!

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Indulge in the Things You Truly Love!

Indulge in the Things You Truly Love!

 

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Cherish Every Sunday!

Cherish Every Sunday!

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At the End of the Day... PRAY

At the End of the Day... PRAY

 

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Close Your Eyes!

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And Smile at Least Once a Day!

And Smile at Least Once a Day!

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‘Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right, forgive the ones who don’t, and believe that everything happens for a reason.’

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Many, many ‘Thanks’ to Dorothy139

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PS: I’m getting questions about the amount of borax to use for hunting clothes.

  • I use:  2/3 to 3/4 cup in a large (full) load of clothes,
  • 1/2 cup for a medium and
  • 1/4 cup borax for a small load of clothing.
  • Many people use too much detergent.

~~~

This blog is a companion to my website:  GreatGhilliesAndGraphics.com

 

Today’s Joke: Be Careful What You Wish For …

 

Who, me?

Who, me?

 

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.

The man says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?”

“I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order “That will be $9.40 please,” and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke.”

The ostrich says, “I’ll have the same.”

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. “The usual?” asks the waitress.

“No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,” says the man.

“Same,” says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, “That will be $32.62.”

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. “Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?”
“Well,” says the man, “several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.”

“That’s brilliant!” says the waitress. “Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”

“That’s right. Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the man.

The waitress asks, “What’s with the ostrich?”

The man sighs, pauses and answers, “My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say.”

~~~

This blog is a companion to my website:  GreatGhilliesAndGraphics.com

Published in: on October 4, 2008 at 7:37 am  Comments Off on Today’s Joke: Be Careful What You Wish For …  
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